When Cole Porter met Noel Coward on Capri, the boys they in tow went mad at the sight of one another, and the first gay vacation was born. Where their seeds were sown a shrine arose. Gore Vidal lives nearby even now. As a gay entertainer I think it's safe to say that I've seen a broader selection of gay weekend getaways and formal vacations than even most travel agents--more than even my own personal taste would warrant since I attend functions as paid talent whether I'm interested in them or not. On my 2002 calendar so far is Mr. San Francisco Leather, Key West, a Caribbean cruise, and the Texas Bear Roundup in Dallas. This last one looks like the most fun to me: The more I like to eat, the more I like the bear events.

The number 1 thing I notice at all these events is that people don't have fun because of the location or because of who is putting on the event. They have fun because of who they spend theft time with. In truth, most people could enjoy themselves just as much if they got together the same batch of friends in the basement and cranked up the Close-`n'-Play record player--er, CD player.

I wish I would get invited to things like that. Instead, off I go to run around in front of 2,000 gay men in a bathing suit in January, immediately following the Christmas fudge season. I'm like Maggie Smith in Gosford Park--"Why do we have to do these things?"--as I compensate for my awkwardness and just make things worse by porking out on the buffets. Yummy, yummy, yummy!

In truth, being gay men and lesbians doesn't make us want to do anything particularly different from any other savvy, seasoned traveler. But as Gay Travelers, we are willing to pay a tour operator to ensure two simple requirements: If you're single, you want access to other single gay people after the sightseeing is done. And if you're coupled, you want to hold hands and look starry-eyed whenever you choose. That's it--that's why the gay travel industry exists.